The Denja Family: October 2014

I have never been that kind of girl…the one who wore make-up or dressed up a lot, in the trendiest clothes: manicured, pedicured, not a hair out of place. I got a facial exactly once and it still ranks as one of my top most annoying experiences in life. So maybe it’s no surprise then that I have never worried about aging or getting older. If anything, there were plenty of times in my life when I wished I looked older…or as old as I was at least. With my baby face I vividly remember getting carded at some community library when I was 20-something for trying to check out an R-rated movie. Out for one of my daughter’s 8^th birthdays at 30-something with 4 kids in tow, I was carded when I ordered an alcoholic drink. So again, maybe it’s no surprise that I am completely un-phased about turning 40 tomorrow. In fact, dare I say it? I am excited!

even airbrushed I am a hot mess...LOL

On the cusp of 40, I am lucky enough to be surrounded by children ages 10 months through 15 years who make me feel…simultaneously older and younger than I should probably. Though I take high blood pressure meds and this past pregnancy weight looks like it will likely never vacate the premises that is my abdomen, I am feeling that glorious middle-aged phenomenon of, excuse my French, but who gives an F? Channeling my inner Popeye…I yam what I yam.

I have good enough health (and one great coworker!) and go for a one-mile walk almost every day and if I could ever muster up the energy, I could do the same with my husband or kids when I got home at night. I can carry a baby, a pile of laundry to be put away and 4 dirty dishes to the sink while simultaneously dragging a reticent 6-year-old to wherever he needs to go. So for now, cardio-schmardio. Ain’t nobody got time for that…

I spend the 8 o’clock hour some nights reading chapter books to the boys while we all settle down from a busy day OR I can ask one of my awesome daughters to do it for me so I can nurse a sweet baby to sleep OR I could ask my husband to do the reading and I could watch Once Upon a Time or Dancing with the Stars or Project Runway with my (almost) 3 teen daughters. For seriously, tell me when except my 40’s could I have that many awesome options for 8:00pm?!?!? As far as I’m concerned the best strips in Vegas or bars in any major city of the world couldn’t offer me a better set of options than that (and the spiced rum and cherry cokes are a lot cheaper at my house anyway).

Maybe it’s my propensity toward optimism (in my case always served with a giant side of cynicism ;) but I am feeling like I am about to enter the freakin' best time of my life. I know who I am. I know what my strengths are. I believe I know what my weaknesses are (overuse of cursing and spiced rum may or may not be up there on the list). But bottom line, I am finally old enough and experienced enough to know who and what matters and who and what don’t.

For instance, I know that the flexibility I am afforded in my current position isn’t worth the trade-off for more money or more prestige (for me) in trying to move up at the university I hope to spend my entire career at. I’ve experienced interactions with enough wise women who have gone before in my profession to know that I have hit the sweet-spot. Career-wise, family-wise, kid-wise, life-wise. Talk about your life-work balance? I have it in spades people.

At work I have awesome co-workers, flexible bosses, a job where even with higher ups making super ridiculous (in my opinion) decisions, I still have the ability to change someone’s life for the better and really help them achieve their goals.every.single.day. I have not gone on to the upper echelons where yes, more money might await and my talents could shine and I could potentially make a more systemic difference at the institution I love, but that also means I don’t have to work my tail off, trading longer hours and time with my kids for more headaches. I have also been blessed with the ability to take on some extra work teaching classes so that I get a whole different relationship and interaction level with students, teaching a class that many are terribly afraid of (public speaking), and I get to try to make it comfortable and something less scary. And that extra job along with generous scholarships allows us to have our kids in schools that I believe are the best fit for our family and are truly Heaven sent. There I have my faith community. My true colleagues in arms: my fellow mamas and the church militant. Praise be!

At home, see above. I have kids old enough and sweet enough that are able and willing to help out. Kids old enough to have awesome conversations with, who are turning into incredible people and I get to be a part of it (and even have people pay me compliments for it…as if I could take any credit at all!). I also have kids little enough to cuddle and squeeze and belly laugh. Kids little (and weird) enough to make up stories about laser eyes and powers and golden ninjas and entertain me for hours if I could just sit and listen. Little kids who drop everything if they hear me pick up a book and start to read. I have medium-sized kids who I still get to watch discover the magic of reading, of building something with Legos “all by themself,” of finding out if they like sports or reading or dinosaurs or drama. AND I get to watch them all interact together!

I have an awesome husband, who - despite my desire for the first decade or so that he might be more “romantic” – I know is eleventy-billion times better in all that he sacrifices and does for our family, our kids, our household and FOR ME than any more whispered words of love or hand holding or flower bouquets could ever provide. Though of course I don’t do a proper job of it (that’ll be my work for the coming decade along with swearing less ;), at 40 I am able to finally appreciate him for all that he is instead of wishing he’d be someone different. I’m smart enough to know that he is my soul mate, even though we don't slow dance, even though we haven’t honeymooned or vacationed somewhere exotic together, even though we are different in a lot of ways. We are the only two people in the world who could have made my 7 favorite people in the world. And we have spent two decades building a life together that I wouldn't trade for anything in the world and even though I ain’t gonna lie - sometimes it feels exhausting to think about – I'm grateful for the thought that we still have at least two decades ahead of us continuing to build this wonderful family as co-parents and I can't wait to continue to discover all that has in store for me.

So here I am. At the top of the hill, about to go over…and I.LOVE.IT. Thank you God and mom and dad and Erin and Maeve and Mike and Maria, Carmen, Isabel, Mikey, Peter, Mateo and Paulina for the last 40 years. I can’t wait to experience the other side of the hill with you all and all my loves that read this! MWAH baby. Here's looking at you, 40!